I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We're too hungover to prance.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize