So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
