No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
