i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
