...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
