how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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