She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize