I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
His hands were made for my vagina.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
