did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize