dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
