Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I deserve this hangover.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
