I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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