not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
