yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
