No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
birth control should be required to get into college
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
