i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
send nudes
from the living room?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
