I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
