So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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