his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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