doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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