Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
