MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
