Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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