i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
