Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize