I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
