if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
