I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
