i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
