how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
