was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
