well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize