So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
