i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
