all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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