What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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