um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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