my vag is so smooth its legendary
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
