My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
