I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
