Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize