I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
