Your mouth is God's brothel.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
