i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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