I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
