Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
