$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
