Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
