i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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