I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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