i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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