You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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