NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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