not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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