i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
