This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
