I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
