I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
