I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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