as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
