oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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