Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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