he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize