I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
