Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
