On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
