Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
