They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
