please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
