I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
