Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
