life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
if only i could text you this smell
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
