dude i'm inner monologue high
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
