well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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