all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
