I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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